Aren’t all of you fellow innocent bystanders amazed at the train wreck that is Bruce Griffey?
Amazing truly is the word to use when we watch him, because it’s like a toddler taking his first steps. Except he’s 60 years old!
You’re like, “Look at the little baby go! He’s saying gibberish. He’s trying so hard to run and he’s never even walked. That little baby Bruce has never even stood up on his on, but he’s trying so hard to be a Donald. He’s trying so hard.”
The truth is, our little baby state rep doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing. He simply doesn’t. He never has. And I’m not trying to be mean.
I just need you to understand what’s happening. Don’t judge the boy too harshly. Here’s what I think is going on.
1. His only source of income is a part-time job as our (sadly) state representative.
2. He is supposed to be a criminal defense lawyer, but he has virtually zero clients.
3. Thankfully, his wife, Becky, works as a criminal prosecutor, and brings home some of that good state money.
4. Prior to living in Henry County, Bruce had some kind of scheme going. Instead of Trump University, I suppose he was setting up the Institute of Bruce. It worked out about as well as it did for the other one.
5. Instead of dodging, Bruce took a donkey punch on the chin and, for the past several years, owed thousands to the U.S. government.
6. Countless independent contractors have sued him for non-payment of bills. But Bruce is a lawyer and, as so, wrangles those poor businesspeople all through the legal system.
7. Bruce has proposed tons of bills in his three years in Nashville, and not one has made it out of committee — not one.
TDOT doesn’t return his phone calls about our road projects. And Bruce doesn’t return phone calls from local business people shut out of work at Paris Landing’s new lodge construction.
8. The latest bill would require businesses, large and small alike, to do even more, and pay even more, to make sure our employees aren’t Mexican.
Now hold on. I know you think this seems kind of personal, but it’s not. I’m simply attempting to understand the motivations of our little cute baby guy.
And further, what was so important about this bill that he would risk losing all his committees and being virtually kicked out of our legislature?
First, I thought Republicans were pro-business. I thought they were for small government.
But what he seems to be saying, and what all of these people on the local Republican committee seem to be saying, is “No, Henry County Republicans aren’t. We like small business to jump through more hoops. We want more regulation.”
It’s almost like they’ve gone so far right, they’ve turned up on the left and now are Democrats!
Speaking of all these people of the powerful and all-knowing Henry County Republican Committee, do you guys really know any of them?
Seriously, think about it. Had any of you heard of any of them until about 10 years ago?
This is about the time Henry County decided to officially become Republican, and that’s about the time these folks all bubbled to the surface.
Prior to that time, do you remember any of these people being active in your community? Do you recall any of them helping anyone but their closest of kin? Do you recall any of them being interested in the overall health of our city, our county and, more importantly, our fellow man?
And here’s another one: Do you recall any of them having a local job or a business?
The answer to all of these is no, and that’s perplexing. Because how can so many people, without a job, without business experience and without understanding our community be the representating all you Republicans?
The only one, the singular one, out of this committee, out of this cabal, out of baby boy Bruce’s camp, who has a job and does work, is Becky.
I personally don’t know how one person is so effectively able to deal with this many child-like creatures. She is like the mama bear to all these folks.
“Hey, they gonna make some woman over in Huntingdon, who might have voted for a Democrat once, the judge. What do we do, Mama Bear Becky?” The paperwork was lost.
“Hey, Mama Bear Becky, I accidentally threatened the governor because he didn’t give you that judge’s job.”
“What? That was supposed to be a private conversation between us,” came the voice from the living room.
Here’s a question for Ms. Becky from everyone else not on the Henry County Republican committee:
What happens when the state legislature, who is in the middle of redistricting, decides to split Henry County in half, and thus further gut any say and any communication we have with the state?
“Now that’s not my problem, Henry County. By then I’ll be a judge somewhere else.”
Oh, the life and trials of the glue holding Henry County Republicans and, as it turns out, Henry County together, “Mama Bear Becky,” premiering this fall on Netflix!
DAN JACKSON is a self-employed Paris businessman. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.