Wellsir, I ast ol’ Slim if mebbe I could contribulate to his “Home Country” columns if I ever had something important to renounce.
And he said he wanted to go hunting, anyway, so why not now.
So howdy. This here’s Windy Wilson, you know. I’m the guy on the “Home Country with Slim Randles” radio show what edumacates folks to stuff they ain’t heard the straight of before.
I timed ’er just right the other day. Strolled on into the Mule Barn when I knew Doc and the guys would be there.
Then, to take advantage of medicational science when it’s sippin’ coffee, I rolls up my sleeve and shows Doc my elbow.
Then I said, “Doc, what do you reckermend for a elbow with a carbolic uncle on it like this here?”
And ol’ Doc, he looks right at me, takes a sip o’joe, and says, “Youth in Asia.”
Youth in Asia? Hey, you know me, I ain’t got a thing against them Chinese kids.
I sure like to watch ’em in the Olympics. You see them Chinese girls diving? Boy howdy! And them Korean guys shootin’ their bows? Flamtastic!
And I’m sure they’re all really nice folks’n all, but what do them kids know about elbows?
So I undulated to the library and ast if they had anythin’ on fixin’ elbows in China or Japan or Korea or Cambloodia, or any a them Asian countries.
Mrs. Cutter looked at me kinder weird, but brought me back a book on Asian medicine and then, ya know, I checked ’er out.
You know what them guys do when they got a misery or a stove-up in a certain place? They stick pins in it! Knowed you wouldn’t believe me. But they do. They call it accurate puncher.
And if stickin’ a pin ain’t gettin’ the job done, why they ups the ante’n puts a marshmeller on the top of the pin and sets it on fire! Yessir.
I knowed ol’ Doc wouldn’t steer me wrong — so I did ’er.
It hurt a little, but it was about like gettin’ a blackleg shot at branding, ’cept on purpose a-course.
But I sat there lookin’ at my elbow through all of “Gunsmoke” and that there carbolic uncle didn’t go away.
So I got me a marshmeller — yes, I did. Had some left over from Halloween, you know, last year. And I put one on that pin and ignitified it. Singed all the hair around my elbow, too.
Did it work? Not really. Mebbe you got to have a Asian elbow to get all the benerfits of it.
But that there marshmeller shore tasted good.
And you can tell ’em I said so.
SLIM RANDLES is a journalist and author of numerous books, including Home Country, which is available from www.riograndebooks.com.