A LITTLE OFF THE TOP

DAN JACKSON

Folks, in an effort to help you understand friends, neighbors and family members who have somehow managed to go off the deep end the last few years, I have composed this column.

It hopefully reassures you of the dumbness that is QAnon and the dumbness that is the twisting of misinformation by these poor souls.

First of all, let’s identify our victims of Internet insanity. If you overhear someone talking about the following subjects, it’s time to check their medication.

These are the Top Nine Wackiest QAnon beliefs out there:

 1. Princess Diana was murdered after trying to stop Sept, 11 attacks.

 2. Comet Ping Pong pizzeria in Washington, D.C., was a meeting ground for satanic ritual abuse.

 3. Hillary Clinton would be imprisoned after Donald Trump was elected president.

 4. She was directly involved in a pedophile ring.

 5. Robert Mueller was secretly working with Trump to put together large-scale military tribunals.

 6. Trump’s reference in 2017 to a “calm before the storm” was in fact a gathering of military personnel to arrest, imprison and execute child-eating pedophiles — yes, child-eating pedophiles.

 7. Following the “Storm,” there will be salvation and utopia on earth.

8. Trump is a flawed Christian, but also a messiah sent from God — yes, a messiah sent from God.

 9. German Qanon followers think the German government is an Allied-formed corporation and are hoping Trump will restore the Reich.

Secondly, if you haven’t heard them waxing on romantically about the above things, but they have the following websites in their browser history, it may be time to at least keep an eye on them.

They include Patriots Soapbox, Alex Jones, Your News Wire, SubjectPolitics.com, Conservative Daily Post, 8chan and 4chan.

The following are straight-out predictions QAnon has made, and spectacularly didn’t materialize. I totally copied this from the Wikipedia page. I’m sorry, it’s perfect:

1. QAnon’s first prediction was that Hillary Clinton was about to be arrested and would attempt to flee the country. This prediction failed.

2. The “Storm” would take place on Nov. 3, 2017. There were no notable events in US politics on that day.

3. The “Storm” would take place on Jan. 20, 2021, the day of President Joe Biden’s inauguration. No coup took place and Biden was peacefully inaugurated.

4. A major event involving the Department of Defense <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Department_of_Defense&gt; would take place on Feb. 1, 2018.

5. People targeted by the president would commit suicide en masse on Feb. 10, 2018. No prominent people committed suicide that day.

6. There would be a car bombing in London about Feb. 16, 2018. There was no bombing.

7. The Trump military parade <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trump_military_parade&gt; would “never be forgotten.” The parade was canceled.

8. The Five Eyes <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Eyes&gt; “won’t be around much longer.”

9. Something major would happen in Chongqing <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chongqing&gt; on April 10, 2018. Nothing notable happened in Chongqing that day.

10. There would be a “bombshell” revelation about North Korea <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Korea&gt; in May 2018. There were no notable developments.

11. A “smoking gun” video of Hillary Clinton would emerge in March 2018. No video appeared.

12. Multiple failed predictions that John McCain <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McCain&gt; would resign from the U.S. Senate. McCain remained in the Senate until his death in August 2018.

13. Multiple failed predictions that Mark Zuckerberg <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Zuckerberg&gt; would leave Facebook <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook&gt; and flee the United States. Zuckerberg remains CEO of Facebook.

14. Multiple failed predictions that Twitter <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitter&gt; CEO Jack Dorsey <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Dorsey&gt; would be forced to resign. Dorsey remains CEO of Twitter as of March 2021.

15. Multiple failed predictions that Pope Francis<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Francis&gt; would be arrested on felony charges.

16. Multiple failed predictions that “something big” would happen or the truth would emerge “next week.”

17. Many failed predictions Trump <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Trump&gt; would be re-inaugurated on Jan. 20, 2021, despite losing the election. Biden <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Biden&gt; was inaugurated as planned on Jan. 20.

18. Trump would be inaugurated on March 4, 2021, as the 19th president. This claim stems from a conspiracy theory stating that the District of Columbia Organic Act of 1871<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/District_of_Columbia_Organic_Act_of_1871&gt; made the United States into a corporation (a theory developed by the sovereign citizen movement <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sovereign_citizen_movement&gt;). Therefore, Trump would have been inaugurated as the 19th president (after Ulysses S. Grant <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulysses_S._Grant&gt;) and the country would cease to be a corporation and once again become the country started by the Founding Fathers <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Founding_Fathers_of_the_United_States&gt;. March 4 is the inauguration date because the 20th Amendment <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twentieth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution&gt; changed the date to Jan. 20, and no amendments to the U.S. Constitution <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_amendments_to_the_United_States_Constitution&gt; since 1869 are recognized. But Biden remains the incumbent and 46th president of the United States <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_the_United_States&gt;.

19. Trump would be inaugurated again on March 20, 2021. After the failed prediction that Trump would be inaugurated on March 4, 2021, QAnon “delayed” the inauguration date to March 20, 2021. Biden remains the U.S. president.

Now, after reading all this, you might think there is no way people could actually still believe it. And perhaps you can convert them back to normalcy by revealing the lies. And that’s what a rational mind would think.

But these people have turned off rationality. They have checked out of reality. Just know you’re not alone in dealing with it. Good luck. These sad souls are in deep.

 

DAN JACKSON is a self-employed Paris businessman. His email address is danjackson@alittleoff.net.

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